When I was in High School I would on occasion perform an act that required forethought and consideration; on other occasions I would act as a typical adolescent male, by which I mean I would do something impulsive and stupid that lacked any rational explanation. Examples of the latter were usually followed by my mother shaking her head and saying somewhat wistfully, "Sometimes a man, most times a boy." The advantage of aging is that with enough life experience behind you (read: reflection upon stupid stuff you did), the middle aged man is better able to make decisions based on rational thought and consideration of logical consequences rather than impluse and a "Cowabunga!" mentality.
Better able does not translate into always.
A few days back I was cleaning and lubing the chain on my bike and noticed it seemed a bit loose. No problem: loosen the adjusting screws and axle nut, slide the wheel back a bit, retighten everything and you are good to go. Except the axle nut would not budge. I tired every wrench I had and even bought a bigger one using a pipe for leverage. No good. Not too many years ago my response would have been to get a hammer, yet larger wrenches, more pipe, and pushed-pulled-banged until the I sheared the nut or twisted my back. But experience has taught me that I would never get the bloody nut loose, so I simply called up a buddy who has a pneumatic impact wrench, set a time to load the bike up on his lift, and all was well. The middle aged man acting upon experience and rationality.
It was a glorious sunny day (rare this time of year in Seattle), the appointed hour came, and I rode the bike over to my buddy Pat's house. We pulled his project bike off the lift and prepared to put my bike on. Now, I know that one should not try to ride a bike onto a lift - it is simply too narrow for good balance and if you don't get the throttle just right the momentum can actually push the lift forward. This is why professional's never ride a bike on a lift - they wheel it on. But do you think those facts stopped me? Nah. The middle-aged adolescenct acting out of some ancestral gene labeled "Stupid - remove through evolutionary process". Except there seems to be a flaw in evolutionary theory, as it appears you can never evolve out of stupid.
So I fired it up, let out the clutch, rode up on the lift, couldn't quite get the back wheel over the lip, gunned it again and set down my foot - remember I said that lift's are narrow? - which of course slid off the side, causing me to lose momentum and balance. I looked at Pat as I toppled in slow motion and very calmly said, "I'm going over." You could just read it on his face: "No kidding." He later claimed that I was already shooting up the lift before he could suggest this was not a good idea; I personlly think he just wanted to see me do something stupid...
Anyway, over I went. Now, Pat has a small work space crammed with cabinets, half-disassembled motors, and various tools and parts laying around. There is only one small space in which one could fall and not smash oneself against various sharp objects. I landed in that very spot. It is said that God watches after young children and fools. I am proof positive of that proverb. We picked up the bike, levered it up on the lift, strapped it down and got to work. And as we were working, I swear I heard a heavenly voice: "Sometimes a man, most times a boy."
Yep.
Phew.
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