Loud Pipes

There is a saying among MotoFolk: "Loud pipes save lives." This saying is popular with - imagine that - those who like loud pipes. The problem is that there is absolutely no statistical information to back up this claim, and I can add to the anecdotal evidence that refutes its veracity.

The only moving accident I ever had was riding a project Harley with really, really loud pipes. I bought the bike from a kid who had positively trashed the bike, stripping the excellent Vance & Hines pipes off and replacing them with straight slash-cuts, which provided no muffling what-so-ever. I was working the bike over and got the wiring replaced and a new front end put on and thought I would take it out for a quick test-run. The biggest mistake I made here was thinking that since it would just be "around the block" a couple of times I would not bother with any protective gear, including a helmet.

I fired it up, snicked it into gear, and headed down the road. All the electricals worked, the front end held true, and everytime I twisted the throttle the bike would rear up with a mighty roar. It was a beautiful day.

I came around a curve and pulled up beyond a senior gentleman in a monster SUV. I dropped it down into first gear and followed him at a safe distance for a block or so. He continued to drive more and more slowly until he finally pulled over a bit to the right and came to a stop. Thinking he wanted me to pass I checked the mirror, eased it to the left, and hit that throttle for a quick pass.

Then of course he turned left in front of me into his driveway. Pull to the right, stop completely, don't use a turn signal, don't check your mirror, and then execute a left turn. That's how they teach it in drivers ed, right?

I registered about an Eight on the sphincter scale, locked up the brakes, skidded the rear tire to my right, twisted the front end into the skid, and thought I was going to miss him.

Then of course he stopped. In the middle of the street and his own friggin' driveway. He later told me he didn't know I was there and didn't realize he had stopped (again), he just ... stopped.

It's funny how while the bladder and bowels are emptying themselves the brain fills with images, a series of snapshots which are permanently imbedded in the "Oh, shit" file in your brain. I saw my front wheel bounce off his back tire, I heard a "pop" while watching my handlebars swivel into the rear panel, and then observed the bike laying on its' side with fluids pouring out. The most amazing thing is that I saw all of this from a distance of about fifteen feet, standing straight up, not a scratch on me, observing it all just like a pedestrian who happened to be walking by. That "fight or flight" instinct ain't all bad.

I immediately ran over to the driver to make sure he was OK. He just looked at me and said, "I had no idea you were there."

No idea??!! I had the loudest pipes one could have and they were definitely roaring when I hit the gas, and he had not heard a thing. So much for loud pipes saving lives ....

The end of the story is that neither of us was hurt, my bike was OK, and his side panel was repairable. But it sure made me think about some things, like how dumb it is to even just "go around the block" without gear. I was very, very lucky. The other item for reflection was "loudness."

Ever notice how when people are in conflict we tend to raise our voices? As temperatures rise so does volume, as though louder will win ... but it doesn't. Loud pipes don't save lives or win arguments. You may shout the other person down but that does not really constitute winning, does it?

Loud pipes on a bike don't save lives, thoughtful driving does, and thoughtful driving is the product of listening to and observing the environment around you and then adjusting accordingly.

Loud pipes in a disagreement doesn't win the argument, thoughtful discussion does, and thoughtful discussion is the product of carefully listening to and observing the other person, and then adjusting accordingly.

Funny how those Hebrews from 3,000 years ago knew what they were talking about: "A gentle answer turns away wrath but a harsh word stirs up anger." - Proverbs 15:1

I wonder if they had any sayings about loud camels ...